


Owning our own Crazy

by connyhascontrol



Series: Growing our own Daisies [2]
Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: F/F, Katya is still a journalist, Lesbian AU, Trixie is still a former country music star, Useless Lesbians, and Dolly is still a dog
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-25
Updated: 2018-07-25
Packaged: 2019-06-15 15:28:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,742
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15415989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/connyhascontrol/pseuds/connyhascontrol
Summary: Having to interview your celebrity crush is difficult enough, but then realizing you really like her and trying to figure out where to go from here is so much harder. Or maybe Katya is just being an idiot, her friends certainly seem to think so.





	Owning our own Crazy

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Artificial Pichitinha (Pichitinha)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pichitinha/gifts).



> This is a spin-off of [Growing our own Daisies](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14679564/chapters/33915555) and probably only makes sense if you've read at least the first three chapters of that.
> 
> I wrote this as a birthday present for [Naty](http://pichitinha.tumblr.com/), well done on being alive for the quarter of a century! I hope you enjoy this most useless of lesbians, I love you!!
> 
> Thanks to [Charlotte](https://mizfaaanjie.tumblr.com/) for beta reading, normal service on Growing our own Daisies will resume shortly!

The insistent buzzing of her phone on the bedside table pulls Katya out of a dreamless sleep and she blindly starts groping for it. In her dark bedroom the lit up screen is unforgivingly bright and it takes her a moment of squinting at it until her brain puts together the word ‘Ginger’ and that she’s being called.

“You better have a good fucking reason for calling me, you fucking bitch,” she grumbles into the phone. “How early is it?” Katya wants to grab her phone to check the time, but then realizes she’s already using it.

“It’s almost 6 am, don’t be so dramatic.”

Katya probably would have woken up by herself in half an hour, she almost always wakes before her alarm goes off. But this is still a shitty way to start the day.

“What do you want?” She sits up, switches on her bedside lamp and leans against the headboard. Even in her half-asleep state she’s aware Ginger wouldn’t call her at this time if she didn’t absolutely have to.

“Remember how we had that whole discussion about you being relieved and also disappointed that you don’t get to go along with Violet for the Trixie Mattel interview?”

“Yes?”

“Well, it’s your lucky day because Violet just called me, she’s been up all night with food poisoning and there’s no way she can make it. So you get to do it.”

Every last notion of sleep that had still been clinging to Katya’s brain dissipates and before she knows what she’s doing she’s out of bed and pacing the floor.

“What do you mean? I can’t do it! I’m absolutely _unqualified_ to do it!” she hisses into the phone.

“We don’t have time for you to teach anybody else photography and you’ve been there for basically all of the interviews Violet has done. I’ve already emailed you all her prepared questions and notes. Plus you know Mattel’s work.” Katya barks out a dry laugh at that. “There’s nobody I would trust with this other than you, Katya.”

She can’t do it. There is absolutely no way she can go interview Trixie Mattel in a few hours.

“Can’t you reschedule?”

“Absolutely not. Her management was very clear about the fact that this is either happening today or it’s not happening at all,” Ginger insists. Then she adds, “Beats me why, it’s not like she has anything else to do.”

Katya lets herself drop onto her bed. “Ginger. Please.”

“Look, I’m asking you to do this as a friend, because I believe there’s nobody who is going to do a better job. But as your boss I’m telling you that I need you to do this, because there isn’t anyone else.”

Katya knows she has lost. Ginger is right, who else should do it? Adore? Not fucking likely.

“Ugh. Fine.”

“Great! I’ve already sent you all the information you need. You have to be there at 2, she absolutely insisted, so I want you on the road by 12, just to be safe. Text me when you get there. And dress professionally, we want the risk of her kicking you out to be as small as possible.”

Katya drags herself off the bed again, steps up to her wardrobe and examines her own reflection in the mirror on the door. “Ginger, I’ve done this job for years now, I know how to dress professionally.”

On the other end Ginger snorts. “Really? Because you wore jelly sandals to the office last week.”

“It’s not my fault your sense of fashion is severely underdeveloped.”

“Alright, girl, whatever. I just need you to not fuck this up.”

She’s already hung up when Katya mumbles, “When have I ever fucked anything up?” Her mirror-self stares back at her with a blank expression. “Don’t answer that.”

Suddenly alone with her thoughts all the things she needs to do come crashing down on her. She needs to review Violet’s notes and maybe prepare her own questions, she needs to figure out where the hell she has to go. Violet complained that she has to drive out to the middle of nowhere but they hadn’t discussed where that was. She needs to figure out an outfit that says ‘I’m a professional journalist-type person, who is not at all terrified of meeting Trixie Mattel’.

She’s going to meet Trixie Mattel. First she needs a cigarette and a coffee.

After her shower she remembers with horror that she tore a big hole into her one professional and sleek looking blazer a while back while hauling a bunch of photo equipment out of her car. Without a blazer the slacks and shirt look stupid and not the good kind of stupid. Everything else she could wear turns out to be at the bottom of her overflowing laundry hamper. She wouldn’t even care if it wasn’t all creased beyond help.

She considers putting on the simple black sheath dress her mother bought her for future job interviews back when she had just gotten sober. She never really had a traditional job interview at the magazine because she already knew Ginger, so the dress has been hanging at the back of her wardrobe unworn for years now. She’s been meaning to do something with it and make it less boring but never got around to it. Putting it on now would probably be the smart and practical thing to do but she can’t bear to have Trixie Mattel think she’s the kind of person who wears stuff like that. She also can’t imagine wearing a dress like that with her unshaven legs but she sure as hell is not going to shave her legs. That’s not who she is and for some reason it’s important to her that Trixie Mattel will see her for who she is. As if they’re ever going to see each other again after today. Stupid.

Another look at her blazer confirms that it’s not anything she can fix, so all that’s left to do is pack up her stuff, pick up the camera at the office, go buy a new blazer somewhere and then drive straight to Trixie Mattel’s house. Where she is going to spend the day and hopefully not make a complete idiot out of herself.

 

_______

 

Katya drops her bag on the floor in front of Ginger’s desk with a clattering sound that suggest it contains things that should not be dropped on the floor. She grabs the chair Ginger has standing there opposite her own, pulls it up right to the desk and plops down in it. Then Katya rests her elbows on the table and puts her face in her hands. Ginger watches the entire procedure quietly but with a frown.

“So it went that bad, huh?” she finally asks and Katya sighs.

“No, Ginger, she’s a dream.” She raises her head in exasperation and repeats, “A _dream_ ! I was prepared for her to be either beautiful and a complete bitch or hot and dumb or boring or even a dumb boring bitch who’s gotten old and ugly, but she was _none_ of those things!”

Ginger simply raises an eyebrow. “But how was the interview?”

“Great! Because she’s a delight!” Katya knows the tone of pure desperation doesn’t match the words but she doesn’t know how to explain it to Ginger. “She was funny and smart and laughed at all the dumb weird shit I said because I was so nervous and she let me pet her dog and she made me coffee and we ate homemade cinnamon rolls on her veranda and she was always beautiful but now she’s the hottest woman I’ve ever met.” She drops her face back into her hands. “Oh, and she gave really insightful answers to the questions and it’s gonna be a really good interview, I’m sure of it,” Katya mumbles through her fingers.

“Then what’s the problem?”

“The problem is that at the end she gave me her phone number to let her know when I’ve finished writing and we got on really well so I thought she was making a move and then I texted her something not interview related and she read it but she didn’t reply. I think I read the signs wrong and now she thinks I’m some weird obsessed fan who thinks we’re friends now just because she was nice and agreed to do a work thing with me.” Katya knows how pathetic she sounds as everything pours out of her.

“So the girl you like didn’t text you back,” Ginger states. She doesn’t sigh. She doesn’t need to for Katya to hear it in her voice.

“She’s not just _a girl_ , Ginger!” She sounds exactly like the kind of obsessed fan she doesn’t want Trixie to think she is. “She’s the subject of my first confused teenage wet dreams, who I wrote bad baby lesbian poetry about and I so badly wanted to make a good impression. And apart from that I really wanted her to like me _after_ I met her because I liked spending time with her and I thought she did too.”

Ginger starts laughing. She just _laughs_ at her.

“I can’t believe it, you really _like_ this girl. _You_!”

She’s still laughing when Katya sits up straight and asks, “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Ginger shakes her head, still grinning. “I’ve known you for what, four years? And you’ve only ever been interested in one-night stands, never even giving your phone number to the girls you sleep with. And now you’re losing it because a woman won’t text you back. I didn’t think I’d ever see the day.”

Put like that it is funny but all it does is make Katya feel even more stupid. Coming to her best friend with this had been a mistake, she should have asked Adore, then she would have gotten some sympathy. Or Alaska and then she might have gotten some actual practical advice. Or she could have gone to Violet. No, she absolutely shouldn’t have gone to Violet, she would have been even less helpful and more of a cunt than Ginger.

“That’s great, but what do I _do_?”

“You’re going to do your job. You’re going to write this and you’re going to do it well, because you always do. And then you’ll send it to her, like she asked, and even if she doesn’t want to let you fuck her she’s going to appreciate you for being an excellent writer.”

Ginger is no longer mocking her but instead looking at her with both determination and warmth. Katya sighs, gets up and gathers her bag off the floor. Of course coming to Ginger was the right decision.

“You’re right.”

 

_______

 

It turns out that apparently she’s forgotten how to do her job. Katya listens to the recording from the interview and instead of transcribing it she just listens to Trixie's voice. She only gets it together when Alaska catches her with headphones in and hysterically laughing along to one of Trixie's jokes, that hadn't even been that funny but she had looked at Katya so expectantly and even now the memory gets her.

It's the longest she's ever taken to write anything and it's not just because normally she writes about societal issues and politics. She knows Trixie was hesitant about doing this at all and no matter Katya's personal feelings towards her, she wants to deliver a good piece that represents Trixie well. So Katya keeps adding and rewriting and scrapping bits. It’s an excruciatingly slow process and by the end of the day she can’t tell if she improved it or made everything worse.

Going through the photos is another difficult job all by itself. Katya prides herself on getting the shot she wants quickly and with very little fuss, but there's still about a hundred pictures of Trixie Mattel looking positively glowing and she gets a swooping sensation in her stomach when she remembers how willingly Trixie had followed her directions and arranged herself according to Katya's wishes. Getting a good shot of her had been the easiest thing Katya had ever done.

She’s quickly found the three photos that will look great in the magazine, but it’s a shame the rest aren’t going to be used. She’s especially disappointed that one of Trixie laughing came out as blurry as it did. Like all the others she still keeps it in her dropbox, just in case they might need more photos of her. Ginger has her completely paranoid that Trixie will change her mind and not let them publish anything so she has to be prepared. Katya is also ready to admit to herself that she’d just like looking at the pictures again in the future. Not to anyone else, but to herself. It’s good work. The lighting is really beautiful.

“Dude, why didn't you tell me you were looking at dog pics?” Adore stops behind Katya's desk and points at the picture of Dolly on the screen.

“I’m not, they're from the Trixie Mattel interview,” Katya says and clicks to the next picture that shows Trixie sat down in her armchair, cradling Dolly’s massive head in her hands and Katya recalls her very matter-of-factly informing the dog she's her “sweet baby girl”.

Adore leans in closer. “Damn, she looks good for her age.”

“What the hell do you mean, ' _her age_ ’? She's 35.” Katya can't help but be a little offended on Trixie's behalf. “And she looks _incredible_ ,” she adds.

“Wow, okay, sorry. I didn't know you were, like, into her or whatever.”

Katya snorts. “If I could construct my dream-woman in some sort of Frankenstein-type lab she would look like this,” she says and points at the photo of Trixie. Adore looks at her surprised. “What?”

“I dunno, that’s just, like, a lot from you. You’re usually so casual and _‘all women are hot women’_ but you never really seem to care all that much. Oh! Is that why you’ve been moping around the last couple of days? Because she didn’t wanna fuck you?”

“No!” Katya hopes she sounds convincing. She’s not in the mood to explain that that is kind of the reason why she’s been so down lately but it’s not about sex. She wants to see Trixie again and spend time with her. But even admitting that to herself is weird. Trixie certainly doesn’t owe her anything. Also it’s not what she does.

Katya hasn’t dated anyone since her early twenties, when drugs were fun and she was just “finding herself”. Even then she had hardly ever made it to three months with one person. And then things had gotten too messy and she couldn't bear to have anybody in her life long enough to notice what a shitshow it really was. Now that she’s almost 30 she’s busy with her respectable but not very well-paid job as well as staying sober. That’s a lot to put on someone, even if she has the time to see somebody regularly and she isn’t sure she does. At least she isn’t sure she wants to spend the time she has with another person.

Except she definitely wants to spend more time with Trixie and it’s stupid because Trixie apparently doesn’t feel the same way about her. Which was to be expected. What wasn’t is how much Katya finds herself caring. She’s been rejected by girls before and she’d gotten a (non-alcoholic) drink and found some other girl to take home or just danced and had a good time for a few hours. It’s never been an issue. Maybe she’s getting old and soft.

 

_______

 

“She wants me to have dinner with her!” Only after she’s practically kicked the door in does Katya consider that Ginger might be busy and that there could be somebody else in her office with her. She looks at Alaska, her laptop on her legs, long fingers still hovering over the keyboard and looking at her with raised eyebrows.

“This is a bad time to talk about your love life,” Ginger says dryly.

“No, it’s a great time. Since when do you have a love life?” Alaska asks, a grin slowly spreading on her face. Katya takes it as an invitation to park her butt on the corner of Ginger’s desk, despite her protests.

“I don’t, but Trixie Mattel wants me to go to her house and have dinner with her so she can approve the article.” That morning Katya had sent the finished article to Ginger and found herself restlessly pacing the office, disguising it as a trip to the coffee maker, a bathroom break and checking up on Max, the new intern, three times even though she was only sorting things chronologically in the archive, a task Katya didn’t only not want to help with, but also didn’t care if it got done. Then Ginger had yelled her name and before Katya even had time to sit down told her, “Good job, now get Mattel to sign off on it.”

Katya had immediately texted Trixie and very professionally let her know she could email the interview to her.

“She texted she wants me to give it to her personally and I said I was busy and I didn't want to keep her waiting, but she insisted we have dinner,” Katya explains. “Also what does ' _xx_ ’ mean? I mean I know what it means, but what does it _mean_?” Both Alaska and Ginger stare at her, Ginger is the first to break the silence.

“I guess you were wrong and she is into you.”

“You think so?”

“Yes!” Alaska interjects, looking at her bewildered and with something that looks an awful lot like pity.

“But she didn't text me back before,” Katya says, her voice getting quieter with each word.

“Well, what did you text her?” Ginger asks.

“I can't tell you.”

“Why?

“It's a secret,” Katya explains sheepishly and Alaska bursts out laughing while Ginger sighs. Katya thinks of how surprised Trixie seemed to have been after telling her about Crying Hook-Up Girl and she wonders if Trixie regrets it.

“You’re sharing a secret and you're not sure if she's into you.” It's not even a question.

“It’s not like that!”

“Like what?” Ginger asks.

“I don’t know!”

At this point Katya has to admit to herself she’s being ridiculous. Ginger points out that she doesn’t really have much of a choice in whether or not she’ll have dinner with Trixie (and just hearing that sentence does something weird to her stomach) if she wants to get this interview published.

“But I still don’t know if she’s into me or not,” she mumbles and stares at the last text Trixie sent.

**Trixie**

_If that is best for you then we can do that but I can wait. I’d love to have you over for dinner to thank you for the great interview_

Before she knows what’s happening Alaska snatches the phone out of her hand. Katya pushes herself of the desk but isn’t fast enough. Alaska with her impossibly long legs is already at the other end of the room.

“What are you doing?”

“Don’t worry, I won’t read you secret message.” Alaska starts typing something.

“Don’t you fucking dare!”

At this point she is actively chasing Alaska in circles around Ginger’s desk and Katya is fully aware they have reached a new low point and she can’t even be mad because she knows it’s her fault.

Her phone buzzes in Alaska’s hand and she stops dead in her tracks. With a triumphant “A-ha!” she sticks it into Katya’s face. “She’s into you.” Katya grabs the phone to check what horrible thing Alaska had sent and what Trixie had replied.

_You don’t know it’s a great interview._

**Trixie**

_Yes I do_

“Huh,” is all Katya says.

“I swear to God, I run a kindergarten. Get the fuck out of my office, both of you.”

One look at Ginger’s face let’s her know she’s reached this week’s limit of dumb shit she can pull without having things thrown at her. Alaska seems to come to the same conclusion, grabs her laptop and they both leave promptly, closing the door behind them.

“You’re so fucking stupid,” Alaska says with a grin.

“Don’t I know it, baby.”

Katya looks down at the phone she still has a deathgrip on. Time to set a date for dinner.

 

_______

 

There’s something surreal about kissing Trixie and it’s the voice at the back of her mind repeating over and over again, _‘I’m kissing Trixie Mattel.’_. It’s not wrong but it still doesn’t feel right. Probably because Trixie is no longer just Trixie Mattel, her teen idol and longtime celebrity crush, she's Trixie, who likes to cook and walk her dog, who dresses completely over the top for a dinner in her own home and who, it turns out, snores, but in a very adorable way.

Getting to know Trixie isn't like Katya had imagined it. She isn't the glamorous, self-assured show biz lady that's lived in her mind for so long and while that is something Katya has to adjust to it's exciting. She gets to see a side of Trixie that probably not a lot of people know. Trixie without the outrageous makeup but a smattering of freckles across the bridge of her nose, the Trixie who will banshee-screech without a warning and who seems to notice every little thing going on around her.

Katya had never believed the rumours that Trixie was a bitch, but she has put together that she gets bratty when she's nervous. That Trixie gets this nervous had been a surprise, but it makes Katya feel better about herself. It also makes her think they’re a good match.

The better she gets to know Trixie the more the strange feeling fades. It’s amazing how quickly they get comfortable with each other and when Trixie happily hums some of her work through the telephone Katya feels a sense of gratitude. They’re part of each other’s lives now, even though they haven’t known each other for long, they certainly haven’t talked about what exactly it is they’re doing and there are things she’ll need to tell Trixie sooner rather than later. But for now Katya is happy with the knowledge that she can get home from work exhausted, listen to a beautiful woman talk about her day and then make her laugh. For now that’s enough.

**Author's Note:**

> If you're a really cool, generous person you could leave me a comment here or send me a message on tumblr [@connyhascontrol](http://connyhascontrol.tumblr.com/), that would make me so happy.


End file.
